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🔥 MATT “TURD”

Matt is the guy who somehow turns bad decisions into core memories. If there’s cash in one hand and a cold drink in the other, you can bet something questionable just happened five minutes ago. He’s loud, lucky, and 100% convinced every dumb idea is “probably gonna work this time.” Survival skills: questionable. Confidence: elite. Regret: pending.

☕ STACI

Staci is the only one in the group who actually thinks things through… which is unfortunate, because she’s surrounded by idiots. By day, she’s shaping young minds. By night, she’s silently calculating how everything is about to go wrong — and how she’s going to fix it. Calm, smart, and always ten steps ahead. She doesn’t panic… she prepares.

💥 JAMES “RAGE”

James doesn’t have an “inside voice” — just different levels of yelling. Built like a problem and reacts like one too. Whether it’s a chainsaw, a busted project, or a minor inconvenience, he’s bringing maximum intensity every time. Zero patience. Zero chill. 100% commitment to overreacting like it’s a competitive sport.

🪖 KARI

Kari runs on caffeine, sarcasm, and the urge to say “I told you so” — which she absolutely will. She’s quick, sharp, and just unhinged enough to keep things interesting. While everyone else is making bad decisions, she’s right there encouraging it with a smirk. If something goes sideways, there’s a good chance she predicted it… and made it worse on purpose.